I looked up the definition of fatherhood (because searching for definitions is how I roll) and
what came up is “the qualities or spirit of a father”. This immediately reminded me of that
scene in Rise of the Guardians where Santa unpacks his nesting doll, explaining to Jack Frost
that each guardian has a core and that he needs to discover his core.
Naturally, I sat with myself and a fluffy hot water bottle and tried to write out some finely
crafted textbook answers for you guys and then I realized (to my absolute shock) that I am
not a father. It occurred to me that the best person to unpack the fatherhood nesting doll is
a dad. So, I sat with a dad to the cutest little bundle of deliciousness and asked him what he
thinks the core of a good father is. He said to me that the essence of a good father is the
willingness to show up and to try, even though you have no idea what you are doing.
“[The hardest thing about being a dad] is not knowing if you’re doing it right. You don’t
really see the results… you won’t really see the results until this person is a grown human
being.”
This leads me to believe that there is a lot of faith involved in parenting. There is so much
literature on good parenting but there is no empirical method for measuring the efficacy of
your methods or the progress you are making. The only variable in the parenting formula
about which we are certain is that of showing up.
It saddens me to no end that a painfully large percentage of households in South Africa do
not have a father in them. Local and international statistics have shown that the presence of
father in a child’s life can positively influence health outcomes and decrease vulnerability to
a great many unfortunate challenges that may befall a tiny human.
So today I wish a beautiful Father’s Day to the dads who show up every day – the dads who
have no idea what they are doing but are doing it anyway. I celebrate the dads who tie
shoelaces and have nonsensical baby babble conversations with their infants. I celebrate the
dads who don’t fall asleep until everyone is back home at the end of the day and the dads
who take pride in the crayon marks on their walls. I celebrate the dads who have
unwavering faith in us and help us to pick up the pieces when life has left us with
brokenness. Dad, your role is important in ways you cannot begin to imagine.
I am also thinking of you if…
You have lost your father or a father figure
You have a strained or estranged relationship with your father or father figure
You have never known the presence of a father or father figure
You are a single father raising your child or children alone
You are a father who has lost a child
You are a foster father taking care of children with love and kindness
You are about to become a father

You are a grandfather who is standing in for a father
You are a new father adjusting to fatherhood
You want to be a father but are struggling with fertility
You can’t be with your father today
My final sentiment on fatherhood is this quote by Tom Wolfe that caught my eye as I was
writing this:
“Man adopts a role called being a father so that his child would have something mythical
and infinitely important: a protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and